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Q1. Why do marriages fall apart?
a. Because of Poor communication.
b. Selfishness.
c. Fall out of love.
d. Not having time together.
e. Basically it is lack of unity.
God wants us to be totally united.
Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
In this lesson we will be learning the roles for a wife.
Q2. Why does God have different roles for a husband and wife?
To preserve unity
Eg:- Relate to position (roles) on a football team. If each player plays his position well we call them a unit (kicking unit, defensive unit etc)
Lets see what God says are some roles for a wife.
Q3. What is your concept of the ideal wife?
1. As women have become "liberated" and life has become more fast-paced most of us are confused.
2. Most of us desire great families yet we are walking on paths that is not clearly defined.
3. As disciples God has given very specific instruction to women.
4. God is the one who created and established marriage -he designed family ---- he knows how it is to function and how we are to fulfill our roles within it.
5. We can be the worlds most wonderful mothers but if we are filled with selfishness and bitterness as wives our children will suffer and their lives will bear the consequences of our sin.
6. Proverbs 31:10
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
7. We will go through some scriptures that define the role of the wife in a marriage relationship.
Ephesians 5:22,24
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Colossians 3:18
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
1 Peter 3:1,5-6
1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,
6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Titus 2:4-5
4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,
5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
1. Role Of Submission.
What does submission mean to you (from the above scriptures just read).
Life goes smoothly only when it is clearly established who is in charge and who will follow.
Life works better when we understand the order of relationships.
We think submission as being weak and demeaning.
Or you may think --- compromising your principles to please your husband.
Why do we react so negatively to the idea of submission.
We have seen women who are beaten down, fearful and lacking any sense of self-esteem or self-confidence and we have concluded that these are result of submission.
The word "submission" was never intended to be as "weak".
Look at examples of Godly submissive women in the Bible--- where they weak?
Consider Sarah, Rebecca, Deborah Abigail, Mary the mother of Jesus Priscilla and the noble woman of Proverbs 31.
These are women with passion and sparkle. They were courageous and had strong conviction and yet they had a spirit of submission.
For most of us, submission implies weakness.
Neither of these extremes is what the Bible teaches.
Q4. So what is submission according to the Bible?
a. Submission is not ---- being untruthful but speaking the truth lovingly, wisely and with proper timing.
b. Submission is not-----violating God's word or the laws of the land, but encouraging your husband to do the righteous thing and adapting in matters of opinion.
c. Submission is not---- shifting responsibility for your decisions onto your husband or letting your husband make all the decision alone. But assuming full responsibility for your decisions and working together with your husband to make the best decision.
d. Submission is not--- a sign of lack of intelligence and weak conviction but the sign of a wise and strong Woman.
Submission in the Bible is an honorable and
noble attitude .
(i). Jesus gave up his rights and submitted himself to God.
Philippians 2:6-11
6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross!
9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
(ii). Church members are to lovingly and respectfully submit to church leaders.
1 Thessalonians 5:12
Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you.
Hebrews 13:17
Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.
(iii). Citizens are to submit to Government.
1 Peter 2:13-17
13 Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority,
14 or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right.
15 For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men.
16 Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God.
17 Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.
(iv). Wife is to submit to her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
So you are called to be submissive to your husband.
2. Respect Him
Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Q5. What does it mean for a wife (you) to respect her (Your) husband?
It means you must honor him, revere him and appreciate him. In you're heart you must value your husband as a man and as a person.
Bible says you must respect your husband for 2 reasons.
(i). Because of his role of leadership in your marriage.
Your husband has been given the role to lead you by God and the only way leaders are able to effectively lead is if they are respected by those being led. He can effectively and lovingly lead you if you respect him.
(ii). Because your husband needs it.
Just as you need your husbands love to feel complete and whole as a woman the husband requires his wife's respect and admiration to feel fulfilled as a man.
Without your respect your husband will always sense a void in his soul.---- this is the way God has made him.
Many men whose wives do not respect them lose heart and sink into discouragement and depression.
a. Feel like a failure, and become weaker as he years go by
b. Some become more aggressive domineering and controlling.
c. Become harsh and critical and exercise "force"
d. Some seek fulfillment elsewhere to makeup for what they do not receive from their wives.
e. Become workaholics, consumed with sports or distract themselves in other activities.
f. Some turn to seek respect from coworkers friends or even turn to sexual involvement with other women.
Remember - Husband is the head of the wife
(i) So you must respect him because of the role of marital leadership that God has given him not because of what he has or has not done.
When you honor your husband you honor God who designed marriage and designated the husband the leader.
If you rebel against God's plan here you will rebel against him in other ways also.
(ii)Secondly you must realize that Respect is given not Earned.
* You might feel --- respect is earned not demanded.
* Yes its true but that is the teaching of the world.
* Bible says as wives we must choose to honor our husband in spite of their imperfection.
No matter how good a man may be, he has faults and no one will know them better than you will as his wife.
You must then decide to give respect anyway and to focus on your husbands good qualities instead of his mistakes.
Q6. How to show respect (Practically)?
(i). Believe in him
Believe the best of your husband! Believe he can do great things - believe he can achieve more in the future than he has in the past. He must know and feel that you believe better things of him than anyone else does.
(ii). Focus on his good qualities.
After marriage it is easy to focus on the his weakness more than on his strengths. Get rid of the negative mindset! Instead focus on the good. Be thankful of his good traits in your heart and express to him through words. You cannot make him better by focusing on his weakness or all the time thinking about all his faults.
(iii). Praise him.
Put your appreciation into words. Tell him on a daily basis - how great you think he is, how much he means to you and how much good you see in him. When he does something right -say it him. Thank him for doing the everyday things like working hard on the job being reliable being a good husband, being thoughtful. Men sometimes appear not to need encouragement and praise but they do.
(iv). Help others to respect him.
Complement him in front of your relatives. When you are with your husband's friends and coworkers show respect in the way you treat and address him. If a man wife tears him down who is left to build him up?
3. Your Role Is To Love Him
Your husband should know you love him more than anyone else on earth---more then you love your father your mother or your future children. He must know that you are more devoted to meeting his needs and being close to him than to anyone else in your life, except God himself.
A man needs the tender grace of a woman's love. It softens his heart and makes him gentler kinder and more compassionate, Your love will help to create a better father a more devoted friend and a man of deeper sensitivity. Without a woman's love a man can become sour, harsh and bitter.
Your attitude should be "I love my husband more than anyone else does. I don't want him to fail; I want him to succeed. If, by getting in there giving advice and helping him out, I can make a difference in his success, then I am going to do it for his sake.
Challenge
1. The whole month focus on praying to God to help you understand your role in the marriage relationship and take it seriously.
2. Study scriptures on the "Role of a husband".
3. Develop and strengthen your convictions about your role by studying the scriptures deeply.
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